


JohnLock Goes to Hogwarts

by Obscure_writer



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, Sherlock (TV), johnlock - Fandom
Genre: Crossover, Gen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-29
Updated: 2020-12-29
Packaged: 2021-03-10 23:28:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,366
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28405542
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Obscure_writer/pseuds/Obscure_writer
Summary: Sherlock Holmes and John Watson are back at it again ; only this time they have been invited to Hogwarts by Dumbledore . They will meet many challenges on the way , and this is the first of many of the Adventures of JohnLock at Hogwarts .
Relationships: The JohnLock Conspiracy Fandom/The JohnLock Refutation Fandom (Anthropomorphic)
Kudos: 1





	JohnLock Goes to Hogwarts

Today was the day me, and John my sweet heart set out to Hogwarts ; the school of Wizardry, and witchcraft . But not before I enjoy some of my favorite leisurely activities ; which includes playing the violin , snorting cocaine , and getting cuddles from my favorite Johnny Wonny . As much as I'm going to miss 221 Baker street, my favorite chair , the knives in the mantle place ; the huge amount of knowledge contained within these shelves . The amazing aromas of burning chemicals , and loneliness; Oh the bright sun illuminating through my dark curtains .   
"Mrs. Hudson ! Bring me my redbull , and animal crackers you peasant ! " I yell , as I hear the scampering of feet start rushing down the stairs .  
"Yes Milord " she says , as she hands me a giant thing of animal crackers ; along with a bottle of white mixture . I used my superior intuitive skills to infer that it was cocaine . I wanted red bull but I guess this works , I would have wanted them wings tho .Their upon a cluttered table , with an old obsidian skull ; I was currently using as a ash tree . And then pinned to the table , was the picture of me, and Watson sucking face in front of Moriarty's dead body . Oh it was such great happy memories ; I empty the vile on the table to snort the contents , and to no surprise at all , it was cocaine .  
"Watson , I solved another case" I exclaim ; where was my Watty Bear anyway  
"Watson !" I call out for him , At that point I hear foot steps creaking up the stairs .  
My tale handsome , smartly dressed John , stood in the door fuming ;  
"Where were you ?!" I ask him ;  
"Where was I ?! I was packing the luggage, and I told you to go get the chemistry shit ; and here to my surprise you didn't listen . Instead your eating animal crackers , and chasing white rabbits , you git" he exclaims.  
"Oops my bad honey " I say to him with a smile :  
"Hey Sherlock , How many Sherlocks does it take to get the chemistry shit ?" He asked :  
"I don't know" I reply .  
"Me neither , because you never fucking done it !" He yells ;  
"My Brain is just to subpar for such minuscule activities" I tell him .  
"Oh so you cannot even boil pasta , but you can solve a few fucking murders ; you must think your hot shit huh ?!" He cries ;  
"Precisely Watson" I tell him with a smirk .  
"You lucky I love you " ;  
"Oh I indeed so am" I say to him with a smirk .  
John starts scribbling on a piece of paper , and then hands it to me .  
Will you orbit my moons , space man ?  
"Watson , What is space , and where are these moons ?" I ask him ;  
"oh right , forget it Sherlock " he says  
"Well I think it is almost time for us to head out ; got to get to King's Cross Station" John says .  
"Well then let's skadadle Watson , I told constable Lestrade that he could come over for his birthday. Says he was bringing the karaoke machine , we have to run Watson " I exclaimed .  
"Wait we must leave a note Sherlock" ; Watson then proceeds to take out a piece of paper . He scribbles on it for a half a second , then I look over to see what he had written .  
Dear Lestrade  
YOU SUCK . 

Yours Truly , The Great Sherlock Holmes . 

"That's believable " I say to to Watson ;  
Then from that point we started making our way to King's Cross Station . One long cab ride later , where I infodumped about evil furbies ; we had arrived at our destination. The station was crowded with people , more importantly with people all dressed in robes . Me and Sherlock head up to this constable , asking for directions to platform nine and three quarters .   
"Excuse me sir , can you point us to platform nine , and three quarters? " John asked ;  
"Oh not another one of you crazy blokes , that place doesn't exist you nimrods" the constable exclaimed .   
Just then a huge family of gingers pass me ;  
"This way to platform nine and three quarters children " the plump ginger lady yells . Then the most scruffy haired, malnourished boy with glasses goes up to her .  
"Excuse me do you know how to get to platform nine and three quarters ?" The boy asked ;  
"First time isn't it ? Well it is my son's first time too , just follow him through the platform ". The ginger lady's says , then John walks up to her ;  
"Excuse me can you tell me ,and partner how we can get to platform nine and three quarters ?" John asked ;  
"Yo motherfucka , does it look like I work here home boy , just go through that wall and shit , Jesus !" Exclaimed the plump lady ;  
Well Watson retreated back to me , and we went to that wall .  
"So how does this work ?" Asked Watson ;  
"I think you just stick your body through it".I told him;  
"How does that bloody work?!" Asked Watson ;  
"It's magic my dear Watson" . I then stick my hand in and out of the wall to freak Watson out . After he shots me a few dirty looks , we proceed through the wall with our luggage . And amazed to come out the other side a bustling other station , with people carrying around luggages with owls ; to people wishing their children good bye . To a giant black and red train , getting ready to take off ; We found it quite insane , all of this just here . We found a cabinet and decided to rest for a while ; Then before I could rest my eyes I heard knocking at the door . This fair red bushy haired girl , with big Beaver teeth , had opened our cabinet .  
She came inside and spoke  
"Hi nice to meet you I'm Hermione , Hermione Granger " .  
"The world's smartest man , and greatest detective at your service ; Sherlock Holmes" I introduce .  
"Smartest person in the world huh , can you answer me a riddle ;" she looked benevolently at me .  
"Riddle me anything little girl"; I implored her .  
"Don't call me little girl , and fine what has a head and tail but not alive ?! " asked Hermione ;  
"That is obviously Margaret Thatcher " I said smugly to her .  
"Yeah that's incorrect sweetie" she glares ;  
"What you mean it is incorrect, it is correct I'm the smartest person in the fucking world!" I cry ;  
"You are about as smart as a alcoholic baby , even Minister Fudge has more brain cells than you" she glares .  
"Well your just an insufferable little bitch aren't you, granger danger ." I tell her ;  
"Hey can everyone just calm down in here" John pleads .  
"No!!!" Me and her both yell ;  
"Well fine what is the square root of pi" exclaimed Hermione .  
"It is apples , duh ?!" I claim ;  
"Wrong again world's greatest detective; I'm leaving" she said in mocking tone .  
" Good riddance" I cry ;  
"Granger Danger" John says in jovial tone .  
I then devoted the rest of this train ride to napping ; where I had exuberant dreams about the power puff girls . I was their fourth sister , Shirley Hurley ; my special power was that I could easily make friends . I then woke up to remember , my boyfriend John is my only friend ; this realization made me cry .  
Tears of joy , fuck everyone else , I self high five myself .  
I wake up to frantic fingers of John shaking me ;  
"Sherlock I don't like this , this white haired boy just passed . He smells of bleach and parental disappointment ," John cries .  
" John relax , it must have been a nightmare ; no one that self loathing could possibly exist" I chuckle .  
"Yeah your right;" John chuckles with me .  
Just then the whole train shuddered ; their was a low drone , then the whole thing went at a stop . I looked out the window to a see an enchanting , Lopazz colored lake ; with a huge ancient castle , bursting with life .  
"Professor Dumbledore had given us special magic , we can see past all the muggle enchantments ." I say to John ;  
"What are muggles ?" Asked John ;  
"There people like us , non magical folk ; wizards are people who can do stuff like cast spells" .  
"Hey you seen me work the Karaoke machine ; how dare you call me not magical" exclaims John .  
" Oh don't worry my Johnny Wonny , your very magical to me ; just not the way these people are magical " I comfort John .  
We exited the cabin to get our stuff , then proceeded off the train . We came just in time to see Andre the giant's British cousin , extorting some little kids into a boat . It seems a bit impractical since their is a trail just right here ; what ever floats their boat I guess . This ugly drab man , with a giant bald spot on the back of his head ; and a hideous cat with him . He takes a key and opens a gate , leading to Hogwarts ;  
"Alright you bloody children , better hurry on up" said the ugly man . Then starts walking back to the castle ; but before me and Watson could do anything , we overheard some commotion . Some of the students where surrounding two ginger headed twins in a circle. Me and Watson enter the confines of the group to see what was taking place .  
"I want the last cauldron cake!" Yelled the first twin ;  
"No I will take it !" Yelled the second twin;  
"Lee what do you think we should do?" Asked one of the twins ;  
"I think y'all should duel for it" the boy most likely named Lee said .   
"You think we should stop this" , John Whispers to me ;  
"Absolutely not" I tell him .  
"George and Fred will now duel for the last cauldron cake" Lee announces.  
The twins both grab a stick off the ground , and then their wands ;  
"Foameo" they both yell .  
Light shoots out of their wands , and hits the sticks in their hands ; transforming them into foam swords .   
"Duel ! Duel ! Duel!" Yells the crowd ;  
"Here we have it folks , a sword fight for the last cauldron cake" Lee announces .  
The two lock eyes with each other , then bowl ;  
"Which is which ?" Asked Watson;  
"I will just call em thing one , and thing two" I tell Watson . Thing one was the first to strike , Thing two was their to conclude with them ; locking them into a furious power struggle . They both push off of each other , then retreat back to their coroners; they both do semi circles with their swords in anticipation. Eying each other for weakness in their defense . Thing two charges Thing one ; with an air of superiority, he trips Thing two . But right before Thing one could take the finishing blow , thing two had tripped him to the ground ; they then proceeded to wrestle on the ground . It went on for a solid five minutes , of the crowd cheering them on ; then to everyone's amazement the crowd stopped . They all turn to look at Lee Jordan , who was eating the twin's last cauldron cake ; the twins not even noticing . With this , Lee Jordan starts running for the castle ; but someone grabs him . The crowd carries him off to the lake , while the twins are still wrestling on the ground . We follow the crowd to the lake , where Lee Jordan was dropped in the middle of them .   
"Cedric let's show him what happens , when you eat other people's food ; us Hufflepuffs don't take lightly to such crimes " said someone in the crowd . Then a tall handsome , obviously a vampire in previous life ; goes up to Lee Jordan .  
"Inflateo " the handsome boy named Cedric yells; Then Lee's whole body had inflated like a balloon . Then they set him in the lake , he screamed and screamed ; then we all turn around to see the twins still fighting .  
Cedric sighs "Petrificolus Totalus" ; the twins both freeze and keel over .  
"Well someone grab them two ingrates , and bring them to the castle ; blimey , why this always happens " sighs heavier Cedric .  
"Those two better not outlive me" he said again ; we followed the crowd back to the castle . We were walking the great torch lit halls , when we spotted something very peculiar . Their seemed to be a trail of this strange liquid ; I kneel down to look at it . Black like oil it was , I sniff it to find it smelled like oil ;  
"It is oil" I say to John .  
"Hum very strange , let's follow the trail" imposed John ; I nod my head in agreement.  
We follow it all the way into the great hall , I was oblivious to what was happening ; some sorting crap . We follow it to find it ended right behind this emo man ; dressed in black , with black long hair , wearing eye liner . He was glaring at little children, more importantly that scruffy little boy from the station ; he looked like a pedo . I made a mental note that we should investigate further , later ; we then saw Dumbledore's gaze meet ours .  
"Ahh yes let , let me introduce all of you to some new staff members this year ; everyone welcome Sherlock Holmes , and John Watson . Their muggle detectives here , and I will make myself perfectly clear ; you little shits give them any trouble , I will jinx all of you . Now they will give a little speech"; said Dumbledore .  
"Hello children , we have been brought to investigate certain things ; we do not represent the muggle police . We know their shite , we are way better ,even better than y'all police . But tell me what you kids think of ministry ?" I ask them , then all the kids unanimously start singing ; "Fuck the ministry coming straight from the under ground!" It was so good I started singing with them; Professor Dumbledore puts his wand to his neck.  
"Calm yourselves children" Dumbledore says ; the whole place became silent .  
"Oh before I forget , you two can sit at the muggles table " Dumbledore says . I look at where he was pointing to see a tiny children sized table ; that was covered in pink , and pictures of famous muggles . Why the hell was Keanu Reeves plastered all over this thing , I ask myself ; I can say my pride was very hurt . But Dumbledore knows what he is doing , so I will follow his orders ; me and John squeeze into the miniature table . And then a giant thing of saltines , marked with a note that reed muggle food ; now I was getting pissed off , but endured none the less .  
"These magic folk ain't to courteous to us muggles, are they " John whispers .  
"Not the slightest bit" I respond ;  
"Then why the hell are we doing this?" John asked ;  
"Curiosity I suppose , this all sounds very fun". I tell him ;  
"From their books I have been reading , they talking about some magic Hitler bloke ; stumbling around, and your like this all good fun?!" He exclaims ;  
"Absolutely Watson , absolutely" I say contently .  
" Well as you know students , their is no safer place than Hogwarts" Dumbledore announces ;  
"Sherlock , he got blimey kids lost in the lake ! Also I saw a fucking pit full of spikes , below  
The stairs ; what kinda dope is he smoking , and where could I get some?" Asked John ;  
"It is safer than my childhood, and ask Professor Sprout" I tell  
Watson .  
Well we ate our surprisingly good thing of saltines , and then we both proceeded to check out our living quarters; it was on the ground level so we didn't have to walk far . We looked around until we found what should be our room ; the words "Professional Muggles" , was imprinted on the door .  
"Sherlock why does it feel like us being here , is just some big practical joke ?" Asked John;  
"Because it is just a big practical joke " I answer him . I open to door to my astonishment it was a perfect replica of my 221 Baker Street ; everything was exactly like I left it . The messy stacks of junk , the cluttered everything; it was amazing .  
"I love Magic" I exclaim to John ;  
"I bet you do" John sighs with a frown .  
Me and John both enter and sit down in our usual places ;  
"Okay I think we should investigate Snape, tomorrow I will enter his room . The thing is I need you to create a distraction" I tell Watson ;  
"A distraction , what kind of a distraction?" He asked ; I then pull out of my jacket a little contraption , which was a tiny bomb . "Jesus Sherlock ! What do you want me to do with that?!" Asked John ;  
"simple John , right after Lunch , when everyone had left Snape's classroom ; place that in their . It will only set of a noise that sounds like an explosion; while he is checking out that , I will sneak into his room . I have to make sure he is absolutely distracted ; and he won't be bothered by his magic alarms . " I tell John ;  
"This is really far fetched , and over done . I bloody love this plan Sherlock" he glares happily at me . "Well I'm going to go to bed" I tell John ;  
"Me to" reciprocates John . I then head off to my bed , put my self under my Benedict Cumberbatch sheets ; such a handsome fellow .  
I then surrender to sleep , where I had amazing dreams about Zafron . I had awoken early enough to put on my black , sleek over coat ; then made myself a cup of tea . Read some manga , played Minecraft ; visited John's animal crossing island . Planted some roses in a shape of a heart , and waited for the upcoming trials . I saw John going out the door , to plant my distraction . I then proceeded with everything ready to go ; to see what secrets he was hiding . I made myself up the castle , to where I knew the others teacher slept ; then made my way to Snape's room . I waited for a while then, I heard the sound of the loud bang . I knew it was my queue , so then I started lock picking the door ; the wizards didn't think about someone unlocking their doors the muggle's way . The door finally clicked , and I opened it ; it was amazing what I saw . It was huge , from my knowledge muse have been a spacious charm ; I was staring at a giant factory situation, with giant levels of shelves with barrels on them . And to the end I saw bulky house elves , who were placing with magic them barrels on carts ; and using port keys to teleport them out .  
" Hey house elf , can you come to me" I called out to one of the house elves ; he started making his tiny body to me .  
"What's your name ?" I ask him ;  
"It is Smexy sir" he answers.  
"Hum, sexy name their you got , anyway what is going on here?" I ask him ;  
"Master Severus Snape Sir , he is selling oils sir . To places like China , and Cuba sir ; from his own hair sir " He nervously answers . I look around to see where Snape's room was ; and to my horror I found it . His room was plastered with pictures of this green eyed , red headed girl ; and their was a life size statue of her . And his bed , his sheets had her face on it ; and his bed was covered in life size pillows of her . Then he had a huge collection of (My Chemical Romance) posters , and dolls ; along with way to much eye liner . Just then I heard a door slam open , much to my dismay I found the spiteful ; emo face glaring at me . "What is the meaning of this !" He yells ;  
"What is the meaning of this ?! Space charms are illegal aren't they , this is creepy Snape ; don't try to confound me . My friend John is listening in on my phone as we speak , now explain this or I go to Dumbledore ." I tell him ;  
"Okay fine , some asshole names James put a lifelong curse on my hair . It produces actual oil , and at credulous rates ; so for some extra money , I sell them to foreign countries . And all of that stuff , well I'm just creepy okay ; let it go" . He exclaims ;  
"Okay fine this will stay between us , I have seen enough of this anyway . Good bye" I tell him ; Then I rush out of their fearing for my sanity . And that was the end of that adventure , I may be scarred for life .


End file.
